In this week’s mega-decision, Heller Exxon v. Boumediene, Louisiana, the Supreme Court held that the Second Amendment guarantees detainees at Guantanamo Bay the right to sue child rapists for limited punitive damages. Liberals/conservatives decry/hail the decision as a major success/set-back. The ACLU/NRA/NAMBLA released a statement asserting that the court today protected/trampled on fundamental rights and made America safer/less safe and suggesting that the precedent will lead to more/less confusion/clarity/cases being filed.

The Presidential candidates have been quick to weigh in. Senator John McCain, the presumptive Republican nominee, called the decision “one of the worst, or possibly best in the history of the United States.” Barack Obama, the presumptive Democratic nominee, disagreed. “The Court today recognized/disregarded two centuries of case law/the original text of the Bill of Rights.” Obama, a former professor of Constitutional Law, added, “Local governments must be permitted to place reasonable restrictions on the execution of pederasts captured on the battlefield.”

Legal professionals note that the decision leaves open the question of whether assault rifles may petition the plaintiff’s bar for habeas corpus.